How comfortable are
you striking up a conversation with someone new? Are you able to
"work a room" with ease? After, reading the required chapter,
I can clearly state that I don’t have any
problems striking up a conversation with someone new in most situations. However, for me to initiate a conversation
with a complete stranger there has to be an objective for me to initiate the conversation. I know this sounds weird and standoffish but,
I think I have always been this way since my childhood years in which many
people thought I was shy. This personality
style has even been confirmed by numerous personality assessments, especially my
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) Assessment results which identified me a ISJT;
introversion, sensing, thinking, judgment (http://www.personalitypage.com/ISTJ.html). In
layman’s terms it says that I am an introvert who is often confused as being an
extrovert in public situations. Now if I
am approached, I will not be rude and I will have the conversation; I just
don’t like to be the initiator without reason.
When I am teaching,
conducting meetings, or even attending a conference, I do my best to work the
room and mingle with as many people as possible. Make no mistake about it; I do have an
appreciation for the importance of networking in today’s society. Not to sound like
a total jerk, I have been known to start talking to someone in line at the grocery
store. However, to me it’s a time
filler; very seldom do I remember their name or face. My wife says whether I admit it or not I enjoy
"working a room"; getting to know new people and finding out who is
who.
In the assigned
chapters of “Messages”, there are a
few useful guidelines (three to be specific) I could use to assist me with improving
my contact skills. Nonetheless, I feel
it is hard to teach old dog new tricks, especially since the current process has
not failed me yet. The text states that
I need to give what I would like to receive.
However when something bores me or my interest is lost, my body language,
particularly my facial expressions and rebuttals to the conversation will tell
a different story. This is when my
active listening skills kick in, but in a negative way. Instead of connecting
with others, I will often find myself asking people to justify or defend their
thoughts to make the conversation more challenging and interesting. The drawback is many times people feel they
are being attacked and some have even been slightly offended. From my perspective I am looking for someone
who can have an in-depth conversation that has meaning. The last useful guideline that I think I could
use to assist me with improving my contact skills is easing up on how intense
my eye contact is. Although McKay, David
and Fanning (2009) say that making eye contact is normally consider social
interaction, as a way to invite to a conversation; I personally may sometime go
overboard. As I mentioned in the weekly
discussion forum, in some situations, it can make people feel uncomfortable,
even though it is not meant to.
The next flaw I am
aware of is the fact that I am distrusting of individuals that I do not know. I feel that trust is something that has to be
earned; even in conversations. Maybe
that is why I push so hard when someone says things I think are
questionable. This is compounded by the
fact that I am very uncomfortable when people enter my personal space. I know
what my flaws are and how they are based when it comes to this subject. I have a hard time coming out of the teacher
mode. I have to remember that everyone
is not a student and it is not my job to get everyone to think about the words
that come out to their mouths.
Reference
McKay, M., Davis, M.,
& Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The Communication Skills Book. Oakland, CA:
New Harbinger Publications.
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